Stuff people say to pastors
Christopher Keating is a PCUSA pastor who wrote this piece for a St. Louis newspaper. He writes about the most common things people tell him as a pastor. Take a look at the list and see if this rings true in your ministry:
- I don’t know how to pray. In my experience, this is hinted at more than it is clearly stated. A family is going through a difficult time, or a protracted illness. The person feels detached from their spiritual moorings, isolated, exhausted, lonely. Their experience of God has gone stale, and yet, they still long for God’s presence.
- I’m angry at God. It is surprising to me how many folks need permission to be angry at God. Scripture is filled with examples of people who felt as though God gave them the raw deal. Again, I often remind folks that lament is a type of prayer. Anger is healthy, but too often we let emotions boil over into destructive rage.
- I’m dying. Nothing in life prepares us for our own death. My wife, who is a hospice chaplain, remarks that we go to classes to prepare for childbirth, but often do not spend a moment preparing for the other certainty in life.
- I’m broke. Years ago, we had dinner with church members who owned a car dealership. The dealership was tanking, yet somehow the husband had not found the courage to share this bit of news with his wife. For whatever reason, he chose to disclose this fact over dinner with the pastor.
- I’m gay. In the 90s, this conversation was sometimes accompanied with “and I have HIV/AIDs.” Back then, I remember the pain of a church member who disclosed that her son had AIDs. I asked if we could put him on the prayer concern list. She shook her head, and began to cry, “None of our friends would accept him.”
- I’m having an affair. Frankly, this is the most troubling. Someone comes in confidence, not wanting to engage their spouse in conversations. Pastors run the risk of being put in a triangled relationship. In most cases, I’m glad to listen but quickly point out marriage counselors are better equipped for these situations.
- I’ve been thinking about coming back to church. Life can be hard, and sometimes people take sabbaticals from participating in church. In my experience, some people who might be willing to start coming back are embarrassed, or worried that someone will call attention to them. They imagine well-intentioned greeters loudly exclaiming, “Well, look whose here!”