Leadership

When sons and daughters come out of the closet…

I have four kids. None of which are gay. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought throughout the years what I would do if one of my children sat my wife and I down one day and gave us the news that they were gay. How would I respond? More and more pastors and church leaders are having children ‘come out of the closet’.  In fact, I’ve heard more and more stories of this happening in just the last few weeks. Of  course the biggest story came right as the SBC got ready for their annual meeting. Pastor Danny Cortez leads a Southern Baptist Church in La Mirada, CA. The table was a little turned for Cortez.  He actually changed his views on homosexuality and told his church the he no longer believed in the ‘traditional teachings regarding homosexuality.” Shortly thereafter, his 15 year-old son declared that he is gay. Other pastors have also had to deal with how to deal with a gay son or daughter, brother or sister, friend, family member, or even staff member. John MacArthur has his advice for all of us if this should ever happen to us: (Ironically, the “Grace to You” logo is over his shoulder while he gives his advice) In another article hitting the interwebs the same day, Larry Tomczak encourages a little softer approach that doesn’t include disassociating yourself with them (although I’m not sure how this script he gives would go over… it may have the same effect):

“My son/daughter, we love you more than you can imagine, and God allowed us as a couple to unite in a procreative act that brought you into this world. Your thinking is totally unacceptable to God and us. It dishonors our Lord Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to save us from our sins. It is contradictory to His eternal plan for marriage, which has been upheld for over 5,000 years of human history. Therefore this ‘coming out’ needs to be a coming out of deception and, like the prodigal son, returning to the God and Father who created you, loves you and has a wonderful destiny for your life. Have we made ourselves perfectly clear?” (link here)
So… how would you deal with a son or daughter who comes out as gay? Or… how did you respond when your child came out as gay? Would you Matthew 18 them? Would it cause you to change your thinking about gays? Would it make you reconsider your theology? I would love to hear your thoughts.