The church is a funny animal.
Staff come and staff leave.
But when staff leave, very seldom do we ever tell the real reasons.
It’s always something like:
“God is moving me on to another area of ministry” (although I don’t know what that is yet). That usually should read “My life was hell here, and I’m moving on”)
“We feel God has given us closure here” That usually should read “My life was hell here, and I’m moving on”)
So… when I read articles like this, it makes me think (along with EVERY OTHER PERSON from the church that reads it… that there are big holes in the story. Here are the reasons given in this newspaper article:
From the pastor:
“we feel like the Lord is calling us to something different”
“we want to be obedient to God in our next step of faith”
From the staff:
“many of us are very proud that he is bold enough and courageous enough to step out on faith and respond to God’s calling, especially not knowing what the future holds”
From the board:
“we’re trusting and counting on God to lead us and we’re trusting God to guide [the pastor and his wife] as they take this challenging step. I don’t think there is anything greater than responding to God’s call, even if it isn’t clear.”
When staff leave, it puts us in a bit of a pickle.
Very seldom do we want to share the real reasons for departures.
In fact, in some instances, we can’t share specifics.
But we’ve used the “God is leading me in a different direction” to death.
Maybe we should try to give a few more details when we can.
Maybe a pastor could honestly say… look… we tried as good brothers and sisters in Christ to get a long and get on the same page, but it didn’t happen. I’m moving on to allow unity in the body of Christ at this church, and for a leader to come in that will readily accept the vision that this board has for the future of this church.
Or for a board member: We’ve really tried our best to work with so and so… but our ideas on the future of the church are very different. We together decided that we needed to part ways so that the future of the church can work on being more united than divided, and so that we can get on with the mission God has called us to.
What do you think?
Do we share too much or too little when staff leave our church?
Leave a comment below.
Todd
You are right Todd, it is a funny animal. I think you should never lie about what is happening, but you should also approach this with great caution. Usually there is more than one reason when letting a staff person go.
One reason you left out was having the pastor say…
I made a mistake in hiring this person, I should have prayed more and listened to my wife when she said he was creepy…
Absolutely…a lot of staffing issues could be avoided if pastors would learn to listen to their wives first!
Having been involved in a variety of church activities over the years, and been on the board for a bit, it is my opinion that most churches/pastors/boards will never be honest in these matters, because they are concerned about lawsuits, congregational splits, and damage to their personal reputations. Sad, but true.
Churches that keep this info to themselves are, imho, doing the right thing, for all concerned.
If we did it right, it would set an excellent example for how to exit properly, whether staff or laity. If we use the “God is leading me on,” ploy, we can’t expect individuals in the congregation to do otherwise. I’m an advocate of honesty, because honesty breeds love (Proverbs 24:26).
When I was laid off at a church the pastor used the “God is calling him” somewhere else line rather then be honest and say that we did not have the money to pay him. I was on the platform with my wife and young son when the announcement was made and had expected to hear the truth. Almost gave myself whip lash my head came around so fast…
It really bothers me when churches and individuals give these over-spiritualized “reasons.” Not only is are they disingenuous but they are actually counter-productive.. Nobody buys these lame explanations, and so it only leads to speculation and rumors that are often worse than the actual reason.
There are a lot more reasons than pastors worrying about a split of damage to personal reputations. Here are 4 reasons not to speak the whole story:
1) Sometimes there are real legal reasons to not speak the whole story. I have had staff leave because they did something that required treatment – this did not need to be aired and if it were, there would have been legal ramifications.
2) It involves more than the staff person – It usually involves a family too, sometimes more than one. It is not right to lay out the personal situations of families to satisfy another persons perceived right to know.
3) Not all people are mature enough to process information. Some conversations are best served behind closed doors. When my kids were little, I did not talk about finances in front of them because they did not possess the maturity to process and understand. Churches are filled with guests, unbelievers, new believers, kids, cynics, gossipers, prayers… Not every one of those people has a right to know.
4) The person leaving will need a new job. It is sometimes to protect the person leaving. They will need to get a new job, probably in ministry. To publicly expose their flaws can and has sabotaged this process for more than one person in ministry.
That said, NEVER LIE about what a person is moving on.
Find a different venue to share. (we recently let a staff person go, There are multiple reason, none immoral. I called a next steps meeting for the church, about 90 people came and we told them the main issue which was $.)
Admonish against gossip. It is always wrong and always a sin.
Well said Leonard. We, too, have had staff departures where legal issues were involved and we couldn’t say anything. Not to mention separation agreements that sometimes spell out how transitions are to be communicated.
And the need to protect is sometimes more important than the congregation’s need to know all the “details.”
Our process involves talking to whoever was influenced by the leader and giving them as much of the story as is appropriate. So for example, if a children’s pastor is leaving we will have conversations with the children’s staff and send a hard copy letter to all parents. And we do not use the “God’s calling them elsewhere” line unless that is really happening. We also make sure everyone understands what are NOT the reasons for the departure.
I agree that there may be times when for legal reasons details should not be given, but none of the other reasons seem compelling to me.
Churches don’t have to explain all the details, but I think we should be willing to let people know when someone “has had a moral failing” or “needs time to work on their marriage” or “was not leading their ministry to the potential we think it has” or “was not a good fit for the way we do ministry.”
After all the incidents of the Catholic church covering up abuses by priests, people are suspicious of churches covering their own backsides. Guests, non-believers and new Christians can not only handle it but need to see churches deal with difficult issues with honesty, authenticity and grace.
And as for future employment, why we would want to hide a person’s failures and put another church at risk for for a repeat performance?
Paul, if you don’t mind can you explain why you think this beyond just the statement that you think we should?
We let a staff go who underperformed in our church but we are a “church in a box” and meet in a school. He does not thrive in that setting, we did not make that the issue because in another setting he has and will again excel.
Primarily because we live in a new era where church leaders are not automatically given trust and respect. It has to be earned and maintained with honesty, integrity and authenticity.
What’s wrong with telling your church what you wrote above?
Personally, I would honor the person by praising their heart for God, the efforts he/she made in your church, and any fruit that came from it. Acknowledge that we’re all wired up differently, and your church was not the best setting for him/her. Express confidence that God has a plan for his/her life and pray that He would bless him/her in the next step in their journey.
And why hide that from a future employer? Don’t you want to help that person and any similar churches avoid a repeat and find a church they can thrive in?
What you just described above is the same stuff that people here have ben calling “BS” too. Great heart for GOd… not a fit…
I respect your thinking here, maybe after 30+ years of doing this stuff, I find that more often than not, what is said still does not matter that much.
Another reason we need to be careful is that people in the church do not measure ministry like leadership does. We let a Youth Pastor go many years back who was very likable but poor at his job. No kids coming to Christ, no kids in discipleship, no kids in leadership development and a poorly trained and small staff of volunteers. But because he was amiable, the church measured him by how nice his family was, he had small kids, he was fun to be around and heck we had 12 kids at church.
The church thought he was doing wonderful, the leadership team and myself did not. The church could also not see the other issues that were present. We dismissed him, gave him a gracious sendoff and told the church it was time for him to go and that we needed to go a different direction with your youth.
I don’t know what you do or the others who commented here, but I do know that as one who is often left to clean up the mess, there is no easy answer to this issue.
Good point, Leondard. I hadn’t realized how closely my language that being criticized, but in the example you gave it actually seems pretty accurate, doesn’t it?
Maybe I should have stopped with “What’s wrong with telling your church what you wrote above?”
I can sympathize with the other situation you described. I serve as an elder and have been involved in many staff transitions at my church. I do think that it’s very important to meet privately with the biggest stakeholders, volunteers and others close to the person first. Be as forthcoming as possible. You want the leaders in the know and on board with the decision so that when the congregation is informed and other folks ask questions, leaders outside beyond you can answer questions and support the decision.
I think the best approach is to use as few words as possible. If you give reasons, they can be challenged. The same thing goes for letting people go – keep it short. Short and truthful. Why can’t we just say “It was time for a change”.
From a Biblical perspective, 1 Timothy 5:20 says, “Those (elders) who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning.”
Obviously when an elder-level leader in the church has to be released due to sinful behavior, that should be made public. But my experience has been that even when you do that, there will be those who don’t understand or don’t agree with the decision to terminate.
A pastoral counselor once told me during a very difficult staff termination that we had to carry out due to sinful behavior, “You have to realize that you are at a different level of spiritual maturity than most of the congregation.” What we were trying to do to be open and transparent backfired in that it caused some immature believers to struggle.
I guess what I’m saying is that no matter how you slice it, it’s always messy.
If the pastor asks a staff member to leave–hopefully after many evaluations, and much time to prepare, and with gentleness—I think it’s best not to say to the church: “I thought he/she was not performing up to standards.” The committee or board can be told this….but the congregation may evaluate from their personal experience (and loyalty) that they disagree and the staff member was excellent. Then it becomes a tussle of he thinks/he thinks. If the pastor has many years in the church, respect, integrity (not jealous and insecure about how members love a staff member) and has credibility–then it is better not to put the pastor’s judgement out for ALL members to critique. It is better for most members not to know the real reasons. Now–that rests on the integrity and wisdom of the pastor. If the pastor is wrong in his evaluation and judgement–then the church is in trouble.
Everything, in church life, is nepotism because we are a family. Every staff and board member has their own fan club. Since there are (at least) two sides to every story, attempts to explain “the real reason” are almost always inadequate. As cliche as the answers we give are, I’m not sure what else to try.