Pastors and their Smokin' Hot Wives

Pastors and their smokin’ hot wives.  What a topic.  It’s been the trend for many pastors to say their wife is ‘smokin’ hot’ ever since this 2011 prayer.

But some don’t think you should be saying this.  Here’s why Jeff Fisher doesn’t like it when you talk about your own smokin’ hot wife:


  1. It makes me want to check out your wife – When I hear anyone say he has a “smoking hot” wife, I want to check her out for myself. I want to rate her on the “smokin’ hotness” scale. You push my button and trigger me to check out your wife.
  2. Strong sexual connotations with the phrase in our culture – The phrase is already being used in our culture to describe Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends, Miss America, America’s Top Model, and the Hooter’s waitresses you saw during lunch. It’s not a phrase we need to “claim for Jesus” from our pulpits.
  3. Focuses on the wrong thing – The message a pastor is sending is “look at the package.” God teaches us to value women, honor them, love them.
  4. Has objectification written all over it – There’s a fine line between admiring beauty and objectifying. In a lust-driven society we may say we’re admiring beauty, but we’re really saying “I want that for my own visual or sexual pleasure.” When we objectify we don’t value the human being, we take in the picture, video, or live person in front of us for our own pleasure.
  5. What message is this sending to wives? – Wives have a hard enough time with low self-esteem when it comes to their image. Magazines and movies already teach women that image is the most important thing; they don’t need their pastor sending the same message.
  6. What if I don’t have a “smoking hot” wife? – Guys get jealous quick and covetous of another’s “smoking hot” wife whenever their relational intimacy at home is failing.
  7. Is the pastor more blessed for having a “smokin’ hot wife”? – Any wife is a blessing from the Lord. The illusion for some is that the holy guy gets the better looking women. Would you be thanking God for your “average looking” wife? Would you even acknowledge this from the pulpit?

The backlash even produced a blog post called “My wife is not a rotisserie chicken or a leaky faucet“.

And some stronger words here from Zach J. Hoag:

It occurred to me that not once in the entire week did I hear any male leader talk about his smokin’ hot wife. Nor even an Obama-esque gaffe about being “cute” or “good-looking.”And that’s because this obsessive male Christian mentality can’t exist where women are speaking and preaching and leading in the same roles as men, mutually submitted to Christ and each other. Such an environment literally chokes out these misogynistic habits or at least exposes them for exactly what they are — objectifying and dehumanizing to women. And make no mistake, that’s what this is, because as soon as a woman is thought of as a thing — a thing like a “smokin’ hot Christian wife” — she becomes less of a person. And, interestingly, a person is exactly what a woman is first and foremost to God, a person made in God’s image, filled with God’s Spirit, and gifted to serve God as a member of the Body of Christ.

OK… both of these guys have probably put much more thought into the smokin’ hot wives debate than I ever will.

My biggest observation:  most of the smokin’ hot wives… aren’t.

Actually… many aren’t smokin’ OR hot.

But that’s ok.

Because it doesn’t matter.

And the truth is… mine IS.  (And I tell her that privately all the time).  The moment I said that on stage somewhere, I’d probably get clobbered.

And… the best part is… today is MY smokin’ hot wife’s birthday.  (It’s ok to say it on a blog… just not on stage).

So… happy birthday, Dawn.

(and you know what you are).


QUESTION:  Even if we all took a vote and your wife IS smokin’ hot… do you feel comfortable saying that from the stage?  (And does she feel comfortable with you saying that?)  Or are the two writers above correct about why you SHOULDN’T do that?




  • Jeff Ruble July 16, 2013 Reply

    My wife and I are big NASCAR. fans and we were watching this race when. he said this in his prayer. We looked at each other with. our jaws dtopped.We couldn’t believe that he said that in his prayer on tv.
    To me the entire prayer wasn’t a true prayer at all it seem to me it was nothing more than a show for the viewing audience. D.L. Moody said, “Some men’s prayers need to be cut at both ends and set on fire in the middle.”
    My wife told methat if I had prayed that way and embarrassed her that I would get my face slapped. I wouldn’t do that anyway in public or church. You have to draw a line about affection in public and at home.
    To me this sort of leadership is childish. What real beauty is the love a woman shows to her family at home it will show in public.For 14 yrs. when my wife fixes supper for us she always fixes my plate for me and brings it to me. I get on her about it but she tells me she does it because she loves me. I thank God for her everyday for her love support and child like spirit.

  • Dan Reid July 16, 2013 Reply

    Jeff, i think you are right on target, bro. I felt the prayer was more about lifting up men, big corporations, his wife, than praying a heart felt prayer. I don’t know the pastor or his heart, so i want to be careful here, but prayer is a gift God has given us – there is power through prayer. This kind of felt a little like mockery of prayer – almost like Ricki Bobby’s prayer by Will Ferrell. Just saying.

  • DanO July 16, 2013 Reply

    An interesting post about a disturbing trend.

    Equally interesting is that almost 2 years ago to the date you posted the original prayer by Mr. Nelms. Over half of those responding here thought it was funny and cute.

    Your links to others who disagreed with the portrayal of wives as “smokin’ hot” is greatly appreciated. Worth reading the comments, especially those by women.

  • Fred July 16, 2013 Reply

    Fake prayer. Corny, cheesy. statement about his wife because of his masculinity compensation disorder along with trying to get attention ( Histrionic or Narcissistic personality disorder).

Leave a Reply

2 Total Shares
Current Events Humor Leadership Staffing
Businessman running in a hurry with many hands holding time, smart phone, laptop, wrench, papernote and briefcase, business concept in very busy or a lot of work to do.
Pastors Don’t Own the Church and Churches Don’t Own Pastors

Timothy Paul Jones writes that a deacon saved his ministry and...

Content Distribution Is Changing And So Must the Church

How people interact with content and institutions is changing, but that...

Soup Kitchen Shut Down for Two Months and Came Back Stronger

Greenpoint Reformed Church in Brooklyn had plans to feed 25 people...